The Velo Teifi Cycling Club Hall of Shame
Those bad boys, wrong do-ers and general ne'er-do-wells that bring shame on us all.... Shame on you if you appear here...
Sunday 27th July
1. Cited for "Treason [against the VTCC]", Mrs
M Lewis, Ms Sheila Williams, Mr M Rees, Mr A Lindsay, Mstr T
Kurowski, Mr I Morris, Mr D Evans. Here is the news.
A shocking event unfolded today at the Temple Bar cafe, near
Nevern. Led by an assortment of ne'er-do-well custard eaters, an
attempt was made to overthrow the already weakened Chairman in order to
transform the Velo Teifi Cycling Club into the Velo Teifi Pudding Club.
In a gratuitous display of over indulgence and suger-loading,
VTCC members shocked the gathered local community by ordering the
most sickly, over-sweetened heart-attacks-in-a-bowl, then proceeding to
gorge themselves in an outrageous display of slurping, licking and
general consumption. Especially worrying, was the corruption of
'Young Tom' led. as he was, into the Valley of Death by our
not-so-Light Brigade. But the puddings did look very
gooooood.......
2. Cited for "Pantani-esque Pain Infliction", Mstr
Tom Kurowski. Oh dear, two citings in one day. Young Tom -
you must remember that the majority of your club-mates are old farts.
What's worse, we're old farts who, in our minds, still believe we
can climb mountians like you, Young Tom. Therefore, when on a
particlularly tough climb and you look back to see the sweating,
panting, grimacing, swearing, vomiting and contorted faces of said Old
Farts pathetically trying to hold on to your back wheel, please show
some sympathy as opposed to simply transforming into Marco Pantini,
going low on the drops and stomping off into the distance...
Nasty boy. {We're only jealous! And desparate.
And, in the main, pitiful...)
June to July (to 25th July).
1. Cited for "Slovenly and
Lengthy, Obvious Poster Presentational Inadaquacies (SLOPPI)", Mr T
Wells. Why should it be that our favourite local bike shop should
be guilty of being SLOPPI? Come on Thomas, buy some Blu-tac and
stop relying on leftover Wrigley's from shop visitors. (Other
chewing gum brands are available).
Sunday 13th July
1. Cited for "Crimes against
Coordination", Mr I Morris. Oh dear, two club rides, two
citations. It's not good... As for the citing, well, red
shorts/gold and blue top.... oooh, quick, call Trinny and Susanna.
Until such time that another faux pas is revealed by other
careless riders, Mr Morris will hold the Gok Kwan award... inside we
suspect he's screaming... As for the information that the shorts
were 'low cut', that's just too much information on a preference for
revealing or 'peek-a-boo' clothing... tsk, tsk.
2.
Cited for "Inappropriate use of Superlatives", Mr D Evans.
This may be harsh as Mr Evans is clearly suffering some form of
mental anguish which, it is suspected, has been induced by a clever
perpetrator of the medical profession who has evidently
spent Tuesday evening rides subliminally convincing Mr Evans that
he, the Master of Medicine, is a "Hard Man of Cycling". So
complete has been the weakening of Mr Evans, that he (Mr Evans) was
unable to prevent himself from blurting out the mind-melded description
of our peddling doctor. Actualy, come to think of it...
3.
Cited for "Not using his Powers for Good", Mr A Lindsay.
Shocking abuse of medical skills. Beware, do not make eye contact or
enter into general discourse with this man. You may come away
thinking spelendid things about him... but he does have nice
legs, very strong... this is why he's known as the 'Hard Man of....' Oh
my god, help! Help me!
Sunday 30th June
1. Cited for "Cleat Abuse", Mr H Forster. A shameless attempt to
scrape the living daylights out of his cleats at 30+ mph. If
approached, please ignore his pitifull story about near death, high
speed (nearly) crashes - this was nothing more than equipment abuse in
its purest form.
2. Cited for "Shocking Disrepair", Mr I Morris. State of the art
loveliness from Italy should be cleaned at least once a year, sir.
No excuses. If the Chairman can spend 28 hours a week
buffing his equipment (!), SO CAN YOU. Shameful performance, we
expect better things in the coming months...
3. Cited for "Obsolete Sticker Display", Mr M Rees. Yes, you've
done some events - now spend some time cleaning the 1p stickers of your
£££'s machine! Almosr cited for "Shocking
Disrepair". Don't sink that low, please.
4. Cited for "Inadvertant Deflation of Fellow Members Ego", Mr M Rees.
Oh dear, a second citation... You know that some of our members
love their bicycles more than life itself. Enquiring as to
whether a certain club members machine being ridden today 'was his
best', only to follow it up by commenting the actual 'best bike' looked
well worn was, frankly, cruel. His little chest deflating and the
tears welling up were visible to all. On the up side though, we
laughed so hard that some of us actual wet... :-)